Finn and I went to dinner last night and had some drinks. My second was quite strong and tasted like what I imagine lighter fluid tastes like. I’d only had a few sips when the honesty just started flowing out of me.
Let me back up a bit. He told me that he’d been on the phone with his friend Brant on his way to my house and that my ears must’ve been burning as I was once again their topic of conversation. He mentioned to Brant, and then me, that he hadn’t expected to get so lucky as to meet me so early into his online dating experience. He and Kenzie had been broken up for three months when he joined the hive. All his friends who’d done online dating in the past told him to expect some ‘not great’ finds on there. He anticipated meeting a few crazies over several months before finding someone worthwhile, thus allowing him to put his relationship with Kenzie further in the rear view. I was the second person he’d chatted with and the first (& only) he met.
He told me, as he has before, that he appreciates how understanding and patient I am with him. I felt myself make my ‘I wanna say something, but maybe I shouldn’t’ face and he noticed. He asked what I was thinking. It was now or never (well, maybe not never, but this was a golden opportunity). I said, “yes, I am understanding…now, but I won’t be forever. Here’s the thing, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life or what you need to do, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to remain friends with her. I’m not saying you need to unfriend her on Facebook, but (channeling my friend Thomas) you can’t get over someone if they’re constantly in your life, even if it’s just seeing what they’re doing on social media. Maybe unfollowing her would be a good place to start. My last relationship ended before the advent of social media being so prolific (Bill hated that I had a MySpace page because he was so ass backwards about technology and afraid of infidelity that he thought I was using it to meet men) so I can’t speak from personal experience, but I can imagine that it would be REALLY hard to move on if I kept seeing them in that manner. It’s a way of keeping them in your life and it really is not making it any easier for you to move on.”
There. I said it.
“You’re probably right.”
What? He agrees with me? Holy shit. Now what?
Pointing to my drink, “I probably wouldn’t have had the nerve to say that if not for this drink,” and I quickly tried to change the subject before it got too uncomfortable and/or I scared him away.
“I think you’ll really like Linda. She’s been telling me the same sort of thing and she can’t stop asking when she’s going to get to meet you. She told me that I need to start posting pictures of you and me and put it out there that I am happy, who cares what anyone else thinks. Brant also keeps telling me I dodged a bullet with Kenzie, especially after hearing all about you.”
Why hello there, Linda & Brant, my new champions and best friends.
Then he said something that blew me away and meant more to me than just about anything that anyone has ever said to me.
“I told Brant all about how you’re so independent and it is something that I am so impressed with. You have a house, two cars, a good job, you were with your last company for over 10 years and saw the writing on the wall of how it was going downhill and you got out, got another good job, and you’re genuinely happy. You have your shit together and so many people just don’t. But the impressive thing is that you did it all on your own, without a man. You don’t get half of someone’s paycheck or you didn’t take someone for half in a divorce, you did it all yourself. I told Brant how you gave me grief about me opening doors for you and he asked, “really?!?” and I told him that was something that I was not going to stop doing. You can be an independent woman and still allow me to be a gentleman and you just are going to have to deal with that.” (I have conceded to that, against my initial protestations.)
This man had just hit the nail on the head of what I am most proud of having accomplished in my life. When I bought my house, I was the first of my friends to have bought a house as an individual. Like he said, I have my shit together and for him to recognize this floored me for some reason. Just add it as one more thing to like about this one. I guess he can treat me like a princess now and then without it diminishing any of my independence.