I had to get that random Ryan text out there when it happened, but I realized I have skipped some things in the chronology of my time with Finn and I need to fully bring everyone up to speed.
Friday, 12/8 – I drove 90 minutes out of my way to spend the evening with him when he got stood up by his friends. This was documented here.
Saturday into Sunday 12/9 – 12/10 – my dog wakes me around 1:30 am and I get up to let him out. Once I came back to bed, I realized I was wide awake so I started just looking at stuff on my phone. Around 2 am, I get the following text from Finn
We chatted via text back and forth for about 45 minutes before he finally was ready to go to sleep. I reread this entire text exchange multiple times since then. It was just so sweet. It devolved into some dirtiness, but that wasn’t the full extent of the conversation. I went back to sleep finally around 3 am with the biggest smile on my face.
Sunday 12/10 – Finn came and picked me up and we went to a local historic town who was having and Old Time Christmas event. We walked the streets, got some coffee to warm up, visited some shops, and took our first photo together (remember this, I will be come back to it shortly). It was quite a lovely way to spend an afternoon. We went to dinner and then back to my house to watch the winter finale of The Walking Dead. We ended up spending a total of 8 hours together that day. During that time, there were some things we both learned about each other, but I’m only going to get into what I learned about him for now.
About that picture. I checked into the Old Time Christmas event on Facebook and tagged him. I was about to post the picture and thought maybe I should ask if it would be okay. He asked me not to post it. I asked why. He indicated that not everyone knows that he and Kenzie had broken up and he’d really rather not answer the questions it would incite. He said the people that matter to him know about me, but he really doesn’t want the world getting into his business about them or us just yet. I did not like this answer, but my friend Amy did give me some perspective on it, stating that maybe he just wants to keep us to ourselves right now rather than share it with everyone. I don’t know, when I’m happy, I would like the world to know, but people are different so maybe she is onto something. Also, I realized that it literally had only been 11 days since we had our first date, so yeah, maybe I was moving things at a bit more rapid of a pace than need be.
So, I knew about Kenzie, the ex. He had told me about her on our first date and I noted that he didn’t seem to be pining away for her. Well. I’m not so sure I agree with my initial reaction after all. I’ve thought about this a lot over the last week and I’m not sure I can put my finger on it. He initially said they wanted different things (she wanted kids, he did not; she was pressuring marriage, he was on the fence) and went their separate ways. He also had said the 11 year age gap between them proved a challenge too. He had also initially told me that his friends were the ones who encouraged him to get back out there.
During our day together on Sunday, more details came out. He had bought her a ring, but had not proposed. I did not dig to find out why not, but a mutual friend of theirs told her about the ring after they split and Kenzie called him and wanted to meet. She confronted him about the ring and lack of proposal, asking why Linda knew about it and yet she did not until after their breakup. She told him that had they not broken up when they did, she would’ve ended things in 6 months anyway had he not proposed because she said they would’ve been together three years by then and if he wasn’t going to propose then, he never would.
She also said he needed to get out and date other people. Turns out, she was at least one of the friends who encouraged his foray into dating. He said that he knew they weren’t getting back together when she said, “I hope you can return it and get your money back.” Can we just reflect on that for a moment? It took her saying this for him to know they weren’t getting back together? Which makes me think that was what he wanted (wants?).
He also told me he’s been seeing a counselor for about 2 months and she has been very helpful to him. I didn’t pry into this as I don’t feel it’s quite my place to do so, but I have to say I appreciate the fact that he is willing to work on himself to be a better person, regardless of how or why.
Monday 12/11 – We had no plans to do anything together. He texted me when he got home from work and said he was going to his local bar for wings and wanted to know if I wanted to join him. I did. Pretty much a non-eventful evening, but I was pleased to know he still wanted to see me even though we’d spent a ton of time together the day before.
Tuesday 12/12 – he came over to my place and I made him dinner
Wednesday 12/13 – he went out for his friend’s birthday and the ex showed up which he told me about in the above linked post.
Thursday 12/14 – I had a friend who was in town from out of state who I had made plans with immediately prior to finding out the ex had been where Finn was Wednesday. This is an old co-worker of mine who I’ve been friends with for almost 10 years. He was a mentor to me at my last job and has always been a champion of me finding happiness where ever I can, in and out of work. This friend, Thomas Francisco, has admittedly had a little crush on me since we met and has told me for years that he can’t believe I’m single. He has also given me much advice when it comes to men over the years. Having left my old job just over a year ago and it was a few months before that that I last saw Thomas, I was going to meet up with him regardless of anything else. I told Finn I was going out with Thomas on Thursday and mentioned that I hadn’t seen him in over a year, etc., etc. He said that sounded like fun, but I couldn’t help thinking if somewhere in the back of his head he was thinking this was revenge on him having seen Kenzie that night. It wasn’t, I swear, the timing was just uncanny.
I went to dinner with Thomas. This man knows me so well. As soon as he asked what’s up with me, apparently my face gave it away and he said, “you’ve met someone.” I brought him up to speed on my dating life. I ran him through all the events as documented in this blog. And I told him about Kenzie and how I worried Finn wasn’t over her. He agreed. He used some analogy of me making quarter bets instead of putting in full dollars. I didn’t get it at first, but essentially he told me I need to not go all in on this guy just yet until I see how it’s going to play out. Thomas said that the fact that Finn was unwilling to allow that photo to be posted and his reasoning behind it made no sense. Thomas fully believes it’s because Kenzie is still Finn’s friend on there and he didn’t want her to see it. “If you’re truly single, then posting a pic with a new girl should NOT be an issue.” He also said that they need to cut the FB ties, same circle of friends or not. “You can’t get over someone if they’re still in your face constantly on social media. It just doesn’t work. The same could be said for real life too. If you’re constantly seeing your ex, you’re not going to get over them, at least not anytime soon.”
I also told Thomas I have my own theory about Kenzie. It’s one thing that Finn hasn’t unfriended her, but if she is so adamant about him moving on, then she should unfriend him, but she hasn’t. That’s because she’s a woman. I know how women think and the games they play. She will sit there and tell him that they can’t be together and she thinks he needs to move on…until she sees that he has. Then the green eyed monster comes out. Trust me, honey, I am a chick too and I know the shit we do to keep our hooks into dudes. The fact that she hasn’t unfriended him tells me she is stringing him along too, and him not unfriending her shows he’s playing right into it.
And here’s why Thomas is one of my dearest friends. He gives me the male perspective, but I can talk to him like he’s a girlfriend. Thomas agreed with me on the above point about Kenzie and asked if Finn and I were going out for New Year’s Eve. I told him we hadn’t really gotten to that point yet, it has only been mentioned in passing. Thomas said that if they indeed hang out in the same circle, then she will likely be where he is on NYE. “Everyone is looking to get a kiss on New Year’s Eve. If she’s there, then you make sure that you plant a big smacker on him at midnight for her to see.” Her reaction in the days to follow will provide all the insight and knowledge about her (and him) that I need.