Things with Finn are going really well. He makes me smile multiple times a day. I am planning things well into the future and considering him. He was coming over Tuesday and I was making him dinner (pierogies and kielbasa in case you wanna know). I’m, dare I say it, happy.
I got a text toward the end of my workday Tuesday. I assumed it was Finn, but I looked at my phone and it was from Ryan.
What. The. Fuck.
“Hey there.” The midday equivalent of the ubiquitous booty call text of, “you up?”
I immediately got up from my desk and went into my coworker Sonya’s office to fill her in. She’s been privy to all the goings on with Ryan and was the first person I shared this blog with. When I told her about my last interaction with Ryan and how he essentially punked out on our FWB situation, she wisely stated, “he’ll come back. They always come back.” And I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right.
I texted Lena (see below) to let her know about this and I sent a message to the Cookie People.
I ignored the message in case you’re wondering.
I did not and still haven’t told Finn and it’s been 36 hours since I received the message from Ryan. Here’s why: I mentioned that Finn’s ex wife had cheated on him so he’s got some concerns about fidelity. He said those issues carried over into his last relationship as well. He also said that his most recent ex, Kenzie had the lovely double standard when it came to the opposite sex. She did not like him to be friends with females, but it was perfectly acceptable for her to have male friends and he needed to just deal with that. Finn told me that I am going to give him a run for his money because I am so independent. He knows he’s going to have to trust me not to act the way others in the past have toward him. I explained that I have been the female friend to males whose wives/SOs don’t want them to maintain ties to me and I’ve been cut off. It sucks when there is nothing untoward happening, so I wouldn’t do that to someone else, unless warranted.
I had mentioned my few dates with Ryan to Finn, but I didn’t tell him all the details. There was no overlap between the two of them and I just didn’t see the need for him to have to hear that. We all have pasts, mine just happened to be a little more recent than his, but not by much. And mine was just sex, nothing more. It’s only been two weeks. We’re still feeling out this new territory and knowing what I do know about him, I did not think it would be helpful to incite jealousy when there is nothing to be jealous of. I’ve got a good thing starting here with Finn and I don’t want to screw it up. Lena’s perspective was that by my not replying to Ryan, it was as if I had received a text from a wrong number. I liked that analogy.
And then last night, I got a text from Finn while he was out for his friend’s birthday.
I’m not gonna lie, when I first got his text about her being there, I was not thrilled to hear it and my initial thought was that I didn’t need to know this. What we don’t know can’t hurt us, right? Knowing about her being there just made me a little uncomfortable.
Honestly, I have had some concerns that he’s not over her even though he says otherwise. They don’t speak regularly, but they run in the same circle of friends and they’re still friends on Facebook. As mentioned above, I don’t want to be the one who dictates friendships, but I also firmly believe that exes need to make a clean break. You can’t get over someone if they’re still around.
Ugh, this is why I’ve been single forever.