Am I The Dude Here?

Date number 3 with Finn was last night. We planned on getting delivery and catching up on some DVR shows at his house and possibly me helping him decorate his tree. I got a migraine earlier in the day and ended up leaving work early to take a nap in hopes of feeling better in time for our date. It worked. I wasn’t feeling 100%, but I was way better than I had been earlier in the day.

We ordered pizza and while waiting for it to arrive, we watched whatever was on TV. He rubbed my temples and played with my hair. Even without a headache, this is definitely a way into my heart.

After we ate, I felt way better and we settled in to catch up on The Walking Dead, snuggled up on the couch together.

There were plenty of kisses and rubbing each other’s backs, legs, arms, hands. It was so nice and comfortable. Hard to believe it was just one week earlier when we actually had our first date.

Later in the evening, he said once again that he can’t believe someone hasn’t snatched me up. I reiterated that I’m picky and not going to settle for someone not good enough for me. “As you shouldn’t,” he said.

Somehow the conversation made its way to the topic of sex. Finn said he wants to take it slow. He doesn’t want to rush things with us and he knows that is unusual for most guys. I asked if that is because he says he’s shy. He said he’s sure that has something to do with it but he just wants to establish something worthwhile before bringing sex into it. He asked me about my shyness as well. I explained my shyness is initial with people, but once I’m comfortable, it’s out the window. I told him I may scare him off with my aggression when the time comes because I like sex. He really didn’t respond negatively or positively to that statement.

After I came home, I was really thinking a lot about that conversation. I appreciate the fact that he doesn’t want to hit it and quit it. I do. However, it just struck me that maybe sex is not important to him at all and that’s just not gonna fly. I like everything about sex and it is important to me. The intimacy it brings, gentle lovemaking, hard fucking, the ability to turn him on and get him off, to be turned on and gotten off by him, sending flirtatious comments trying to get a literal rise out of him, etc.

It struck me that maybe I’m the stereotypical male and he the female when it comes to our attitudes toward sex. Is this a bad thing? I don’t know. What I do know is that he’s clearly more sensitive about the topic than I. I’m of the mindset that sex is a healthy part of any relationship and while we are still seeing where this thing is going, it should be included as well so we know if we are compatible in the bedroom too. Plus, who wants to wait and have it suck? That anticipation would piss me off. Does that make me insensitive or just possessing a healthier (maybe not healthier, but clearly different) attitude about the physicality of the relationship?

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